Real Weddings: Zoë and Tyler

Wow! Working with Zoë and Tyler was an incredible privilege.  They were totally into the reflective process that I mindfully guide couples through before I write their ceremony. Zoë and Tyler, like all the the couples I work with, BELIEVE in the transformative power of ceremony. They found the time spent reflecting on the deeper meaning of the life transition that is marriage to be immensely valuable.

Zoë and Tyler made a strong commitment to this process… in fact the strongest I’ve ever experienced with a couple.  They journalled and thought deeply about the questions I asked.  And thus they gave me FANTASTIC material to weave the storytelling tapestry of their wedding ceremony from.

Far too many wedding ceremonies these days feel like some sort of hoop to jump through. Zoë and Tyler couldn’t imagine having a ceremony like that. This couple wanted their wedding ceremony to sing with their intentions and their feelings. They wanted it to be an authentic reflection of their innermost selves.

When a ceremony is alive with this much meaning, it is a transformational and very collective experience. We don’t have many of those anymore, do we?

The ceremony was held at the Rose Garden in New Westminister on the one brilliantly sunny day in a week of rain.  My powers as a keeper-away of rain seem to be developing well!  The couple’s guests sat in a semicircle facing them, so they could see every smile and tear on Zoë and Tyler’s faces.

Everyone seemed to enjoy the ring warming and the Handfasting ritual… fielded lots of enthusiastic comments and questions afterwards. People loved hearing all the things that Zoë and Tyler respect and admire about each other… and about the things that they do to bring laughter and kindness into their days.

Family is VIP to both, and I loved that they held Japanese prayer beads belonging to Zoe’s parents, who had them at their own wedding.  Here is a photo.  All the photos here were taken by the lovely Jenny of Jenny Photography.  She really cares!

Real Weddings: Michelle and Dave

Michelle and Dave’s wedding ceremony and celebration was truly a reflection of THEM… in every detail.  I truly admire this couple for the mindful spirit they brought to literally everything about the day, and their planning for it. The transformative energy of their first steps into their marriage was palpable to everyone present.  And don’t you just love the lighting and tonal quality of these photographs by the brilliant Rafael Ferri of Match Studio!

Michelle and Dave wanted to be married on the first day of Spring… a day of new beginnings and fresh starts.  How wonderful to come together as a community to honour the sacred human ritual of marriage making, on a day also rich with universal symbolism.

We did the ceremony outside in a local park, near the water in beautiful Port Moody.  Life in all its glorious forms was evident all around our merry gathering of 20 or so nearest and dearest.  The cherry blossoms were just out, kids were wheeling nearby on their scooters, and families were enjoying the incredible day.  I loved the swirl of energy all around us.

Speaking of cherry blossoms… Dave is a talented painter and he hand painted the wedding invitations.  I have mine on my desk, beside me as I write this. It is soon to be framed!  It’s a vignette of cherry trees in blossom with a couple seated on a bench under the canopy of blossoms.  We can’t see their faces, but we know it is Michelle and Dave… seated on ‘their’ bench in the park where they chose to be married.  This is the kind of intention and thought that Michelle and Dave brought to everything about their wedding day.

The couple are avid members of the mountain biking community, indeed they met on a ride, and so I had a lot of fun weaving the story of their meeting for their guests during the ceremony.  Also the tale of how they knew they were a perfect match very soon after they met.

Though it was a sunny but nippy day, everyone enjoyed themselves immensely and folks were fascinated with the Handfasting I performed.  Such a tangible joining ritual, and one that is centuries old though rarely seen today.  We romped on the boardwalk for photos in the growing twilight afterwards and then Michelle and Dave treated everyone to a lovely dinner at the restaurant where they had their first dinner together.  Love it love it love it!

Here are some more of Rafael’s snaps… is it my imagination or are the colours remarkably fine? 

And I can’t resist sharing a note from Michelle that followed in the days after the ceremony.

“Michele…. Dave and I can’t thank you enough for making our wedding day a remarkable one. We both are so honoured to have had you there. You are a special gift to all who come in contact with you. Some friends who weren’t even there, just read the ceremony and were brought to tears by your beautiful words. Those who were there felt what Dave and I felt in the air. There aren’t enough Thank Yous to express our feelings. You will be a part of our lives always.

Love, Michelle and Dave”    BACK AT YA!

Putting the Ceremony back into the Wedding

As a Celebrant who prides myself on performing deeply meaningful wedding ceremonies, it’s a little embarrassing to confess that I watch cheesy wedding reality TV. You see I’m an eternal optimist. And because of my profession as a wedding celebrant (officiant), I keep hoping that one of these TV couples will devote as much energy to their wedding ceremony as they do their chocolate dessert fountain!

For that is truly the worst part of these shows for me… how little importance is attached to the ceremony that actually begins the couple’s marriage. All too often on TV, it’s just about the bling.

Fortunately in my practice, real life couples are much more sane! I see a strong trend of couples seeking Fresh, Unique, and Memorable, when it comes to their wedding ceremony.

These smart couples are doing what I refer to as, “Putting the Ceremony back into the Wedding”, They are turning towards meaningful wedding experiences that reflect their personalities and values… And rejecting flashy events where it’s all about the show.

Today’s most progressive weddings are the essence of elegant-simplicity, where the ceremony sets the tone for the couple’s entire day, as well as their wedding memories. Far from being a hoop to jump through, these couples want the ceremony that begins their marriage to be deeply resonate of ‘them’.

I’m so glad to see this. These occasions are incredibly powerful and important. A wedding ceremony written exclusively for and about a couple feels so true, so honest. Guests should be on the edge of their seat as they listen to the story of the couple; they feel they are part of the experience and not merely observing.

A well-written wedding ceremony should be like a tapestry, woven from the hopes and dreams, stories and tales, which the couple shares with their officiant in the collaboration stage. The best wedding ceremonies are always collaborations. Never let an officiant impose a ceremony upon you!

Since a deeply meaningful wedding ceremony is so dependent upon working with the right officiant, it’s so important to find the right person. You should look for someone who is a ceremonial writer, a warm and emotive speaker, a guide, and who you can trust implicitly.

Many officiants have no specific training in ceremony. Look for those who have a sound background in the relevance of ritual and ceremony, knowledge of a wide variety of ceremonial traditions, ability to design and manage the ceremony itself, and a wealth of experience. She or he should be able to truly ‘get you’. Never feel embarrassed about asking for credentials, references, samples, and testimonials. A respectable officiant will never be offended or refuse these.

In closing, let me tell you from personal experience that it’s all too easy to get caught up in the details of planning a wedding. My advice is to treat your ceremony with reverence and find an officiant who will too. Put your ceremony into your wedding day and don’t settle for a boring cookie cutter ceremony written for someone else!

A Garden Wedding Ceremony in Coquitlam BC

I always like to see a couple invest in the things that truly matter.  Lana and Cory focused on creating a custom wedding ceremony experience that totally spoke to who they are and how they wanted to feel.

Cory is more reserved than Lana.  He was nervous about the wedding ceremony.   But as you can see from his big grin in this photo, Cory had a great time!  If I can make a nervous groom guffaw at his wedding, then I’ve done my job well.

And while apparently it’s the butt of many jokes, Lana and Cory both love how different they are. They shared such funny stories with me of their life.  I decided to include a number of them in my storytelling.  Family and friends were effusive after the ceremony about how much they enjoyed it.  Most said they had learned things about Lana and Cory that they never knew before.

Lana has an adorable young son named Ryder from a previous relationship. Ryder lives with Lana and Cory full time and thus Cory has taken on a father figure role.  Apparently he’s done it really well, as Ryder calls him “Daddy-Dude!”  So cute.

We wanted Ryder to have a role in the wedding ceremony, to acknowledge that Lana and Cory’s marital relationship is also a family relationship.  It was so important to Lana and Cory that we find a way to publicly and symbolically include Ryder within the embrace of their marriage.

There are many ways to include children, but one that I especially like is a Sand Ceremony. If you are interested, please email or call me to have me describe the intent and deeper meaning.

Following this very moving portion of the ceremony, Cory got down on his knees – so he could look directly at Ryder.  Cory impressed me so much with the vows of love he made to Ryder. Was there a dry eye in the house?  I think not!

Joyfully yours,

Celebrant Michele Davidson, Vancouver Wedding Officiant, Custom Wedding Ceremonies Vancouver and Whistler

A Vancouver Same-Sex Wedding Ceremony

Corrine and Sandra’s love story is certainly an inspiring one.

Despite challenges that arose while they got to know each other – cancer, the death of Corrine’s beloved mother Gloria, Sandra living in Germany, and a number of others – Sandra and Corrine couldn’t forget each other.  Sometimes it seems that the most painful challenges are the greatest opportunities.  Opportunities to break ourselves wide open and to fill in the cracks with the deepest love imaginable.

And so it was with Sandra and Corrine.  In their own words, “We believe we were meant to meet, but also not to lose each other after all that stood between us.”

Mindful of this divine mystery, a hundred or so joyful friends and a whole pile of absolutely delighted family members came together to witness the wedding ceremony of Corrine and Sandra. And, I might add, assorted well-wishers from the Stanley Park Seawall.

Sandra’s dear friend Dunja came from Germany, and so did her proud parents Udo and Angelika.  Corrine Hunt is a member of the Raven Gwa’waina clan from Ts’akis, a Kwakwaka’wakwa village on Vancouver Island.  Many of her family journeyed to Vancouver for the wedding. I was really touched by her father Hutch Hunt’s quiet grace.

The wedding ceremony was held on the beach on an amazingly glorious afternoon. I got to perform the ceremony barefoot…YAY!  An excited group of nieces and nephews and other precious children in the couple’s life preceded Corrine and Sandra as they walked down the hill to the beach.

It brought a smile to all our faces to hear the children call out “The Brides are coming, the Brides are coming!” as they ran on to the beach.

The couple was all relaxed dignity in custom designed linen tunics. Speaking of design, Corrine Hunt is a gifted silver/gold carver and sculptor (update: she co-designed the 2010 Olympic Gold Medals!)  She worked her magic in the beautiful wedding rings she created and brought to life.  I loved the way the rings felt in my hand as I held them during the vow portion of the ceremony.

Following the ring exchange, we held a handfasting ceremony with a bit of a twist.  I used Corrine’s mala (a string of Buddhist prayer beads) to wrap their hands together, instead of a ribbon or cloth.  I often do this in wedding ceremonies.

Here’s an excerpt from my closing remarks.  As always I wrote the ceremony to be completely reflective of the couple.  I think you’ll get a wonderful sense of who they are from this.  I wrote this section using their own words as much as possible.

“Sandra, you have married a loving, thoughtful, sometimes unpredictable, happy, easy, Buddha-loving, Tolstoy reading, not running very quickly, disco dancing girl born for the sixties.  A talented and creative woman who is inspired by a smile from a stranger, by seeing two people together who really connect, if only for a moment…by a breath of fresh air…and belly laughs. A woman to whom love is sacred.

In Corrine you have a your own in-house poet, someone who makes you laugh, and who practices patience when you hit a golf ball straight in the grass, three times in a row! Someone who you say is, “sometimes just crazy…I LOVE it!”

And Corrine, you have married a woman who describes herself as being like a German girl, but different!  A woman with a smart brain and big capable hands, who has done many things, from being a lawyer in Berlin to rising at 3 am to bake bread in a Vancouver bakery.  A woman who feels she can take care of you, and is the best listener of all for your gift as a storyteller.

In Sandra you have partner who you say, “Has life jumping from out of her skin, her eyes big and blue.”  When you are with her, “everything in the world seems possible.”

Sandra and Corrine, it is my very great honour to pronounce your marriage legal and binding.  You are now partners in love and life! Ladies and gentlemen, I’m thrilled to introduce you to Sandra and Corrine Bars-Hunt!  You may KISS your beloved!”

Joyfully yours,

Celebrant Michele Davidson, Vancouver Wedding Officiant, Custom Wedding Ceremonies Vancouver and Whistler

© Michele Davidson