Real Weddings: Zoë and Tyler

Wow! Working with Zoë and Tyler was an incredible privilege.  They were totally into the reflective process that I mindfully guide couples through before I write their ceremony. Zoë and Tyler, like all the the couples I work with, BELIEVE in the transformative power of ceremony. They found the time spent reflecting on the deeper meaning of the life transition that is marriage to be immensely valuable.

Zoë and Tyler made a strong commitment to this process… in fact the strongest I’ve ever experienced with a couple.  They journalled and thought deeply about the questions I asked.  And thus they gave me FANTASTIC material to weave the storytelling tapestry of their wedding ceremony from.

Far too many wedding ceremonies these days feel like some sort of hoop to jump through. Zoë and Tyler couldn’t imagine having a ceremony like that. This couple wanted their wedding ceremony to sing with their intentions and their feelings. They wanted it to be an authentic reflection of their innermost selves.

When a ceremony is alive with this much meaning, it is a transformational and very collective experience. We don’t have many of those anymore, do we?

The ceremony was held at the Rose Garden in New Westminister on the one brilliantly sunny day in a week of rain.  My powers as a keeper-away of rain seem to be developing well!  The couple’s guests sat in a semicircle facing them, so they could see every smile and tear on Zoë and Tyler’s faces.

Everyone seemed to enjoy the ring warming and the Handfasting ritual… fielded lots of enthusiastic comments and questions afterwards. People loved hearing all the things that Zoë and Tyler respect and admire about each other… and about the things that they do to bring laughter and kindness into their days.

Family is VIP to both, and I loved that they held Japanese prayer beads belonging to Zoe’s parents, who had them at their own wedding.  Here is a photo.  All the photos here were taken by the lovely Jenny of Jenny Photography.  She really cares!

Real Weddings at Nita Lake Lodge

Quite possibly Greg and Leah’s wedding was the warmest and truest I’ve ever officiated. Maybe because she’s a prairie girl and he’s from the Maritimes. Those places seem to bring down to earth, authentic people into this world.

The wedding ceremony and reception were at the Nita Lake Lodge, my new favorite get-away-place from Vancouver. When I saw the bathroom in my suite, with it’s huge tub and separate shower, I nearly knelt and kissed the slate slab floor.  Oops. I digress.

It was a warmish day that called for an outdoor ceremony. Leah was so beautiful and full of excitement that I cried when she walked in, with her eyes only for Greg. There is something about this moment of a ceremony that touches me profoundly. It is a moment of hope, of beauty, and it is a moment where everything but love is suspended. Every one present feels it.

Greg’s warmth and tenderness as he took Leah’s arm was so I don’t know… chivalrous.  His gesture told us all that Leah is incredibly precious to him.

Their Love Story was so much fun to tell.  It really is worth spending the time to truly ‘get’ a couple.  Makes such a difference to the wedding ceremony. And sets an extraordinarily warm and personal tone to the entire wedding experience… for the couple and their guests.

I began their story with this:

“Leah and Greg kept me laughing with all the twists and turns that kept popping up as they told me how they met and fell in love. Just when I thought I had the story down pat, one of them would casually say something like: “And then I moved to Baffin Island” or “Oh yeah, that was the weekend I went picking grapes in the Okanogan…”

Guests learned things about the couple they hadn’t known, including close family members. And Leah and Greg were held in an important collective moment by people who love them. What a way to start a marriage!

How we did it

Several months in advance, Leah and Greg worked through the reflective process I’ve developed. They shared with me what they bring to the relationship and what their partner does that truly inspires them. Marriage is about deep appreciation and awareness… it’s important to set that intention early on.  Leah and Greg and I also sat down together in their own home so they could share on a more intimate level their stories, hopes, and personalities. It’s an entirely different experience meeting with people in their own homes. Most officiants don’t make time to do that, preferring to meet in their office, but I think that’s a real shame. A home reflects those who live there. It is part of their story!

I’m like a weaver… weaving by hand the personal, true-life story of those I work with. When seamlessly integrated into a ceremony (also written just for them), the many hours spent crafting it is so SO worth it. That’s why I call them ‘labours of love’!

A wedding ceremony is a memory that people hold their entire lives. It’s worth doing well. Very well.

These beautiful photos were taken by Photographer James Stockhorst.

Putting the Ceremony back into the Wedding

As a Celebrant who prides myself on performing deeply meaningful wedding ceremonies, it’s a little embarrassing to confess that I watch cheesy wedding reality TV. You see I’m an eternal optimist. And because of my profession as a wedding celebrant (officiant), I keep hoping that one of these TV couples will devote as much energy to their wedding ceremony as they do their chocolate dessert fountain!

For that is truly the worst part of these shows for me… how little importance is attached to the ceremony that actually begins the couple’s marriage. All too often on TV, it’s just about the bling.

Fortunately in my practice, real life couples are much more sane! I see a strong trend of couples seeking Fresh, Unique, and Memorable, when it comes to their wedding ceremony.

These smart couples are doing what I refer to as, “Putting the Ceremony back into the Wedding”, They are turning towards meaningful wedding experiences that reflect their personalities and values… And rejecting flashy events where it’s all about the show.

Today’s most progressive weddings are the essence of elegant-simplicity, where the ceremony sets the tone for the couple’s entire day, as well as their wedding memories. Far from being a hoop to jump through, these couples want the ceremony that begins their marriage to be deeply resonate of ‘them’.

I’m so glad to see this. These occasions are incredibly powerful and important. A wedding ceremony written exclusively for and about a couple feels so true, so honest. Guests should be on the edge of their seat as they listen to the story of the couple; they feel they are part of the experience and not merely observing.

A well-written wedding ceremony should be like a tapestry, woven from the hopes and dreams, stories and tales, which the couple shares with their officiant in the collaboration stage. The best wedding ceremonies are always collaborations. Never let an officiant impose a ceremony upon you!

Since a deeply meaningful wedding ceremony is so dependent upon working with the right officiant, it’s so important to find the right person. You should look for someone who is a ceremonial writer, a warm and emotive speaker, a guide, and who you can trust implicitly.

Many officiants have no specific training in ceremony. Look for those who have a sound background in the relevance of ritual and ceremony, knowledge of a wide variety of ceremonial traditions, ability to design and manage the ceremony itself, and a wealth of experience. She or he should be able to truly ‘get you’. Never feel embarrassed about asking for credentials, references, samples, and testimonials. A respectable officiant will never be offended or refuse these.

In closing, let me tell you from personal experience that it’s all too easy to get caught up in the details of planning a wedding. My advice is to treat your ceremony with reverence and find an officiant who will too. Put your ceremony into your wedding day and don’t settle for a boring cookie cutter ceremony written for someone else!

Vancouver Wedding Officiant, BC Marriage Commissioner, Justice of the Peace?

Many couples don’t know where to begin searching for someone to create and perform their wedding ceremony.

Marriage Commissioner, Justice of the Peace, Wedding Officiant, Wedding Celebrant, Marriage Officiant, Minister, Chaplain.  These are all commonly used terms but what do they really mean?

Here in beautiful British Columbia, there are two primary options when choosing the Officiant for a legal wedding ceremony. I fall into the first category.

ONE)  An Officiant recognized as a Religious Representative… someone who has gone through BC’s very strict approval process and is thereby authorized to stand in the power of ceremony. While it may sound formal — it certainly doesn’t need to be! For instance, as an Interfaith Celebrant and Chaplain, my ceremonies are deeply meaningful and completely reflective of the couple’s beliefs, whatever they are.

But I digress… the truth is that this is a very diverse group of people who can perform a wide variety of wedding ceremonies.  We range from Lay Chaplains (like me) who work in an Interfaith way (again, like me), to Priests, Ministers, Imams, Rabbis, etc who can guide a very formally religious wedding ceremony in a house of worship.  We use a variety of titles: Celebrant, Wedding Officiant, Wedding Chaplain.  What we don’t use is Marriage Commissioner ...

TWO) A government appointed Marriage Commissioner who uses a preset script.  These ceremonies can be fun if the Marriage Commissioner is willing to make changes to the script to give it a more personal feel.  Marriage Commissioner ceremonies are not created or written specifically for the couple.  These ceremonies fall into what I call ‘the cookie cutter’ category.

That leaves us with Justice of the Peace.  In the past these officers of the peace performed wedding ceremonies in city halls and courthouses around BC.  Nowadays the Marriage Commissioner has taken over this role.

Did I muddy the water or make it clearer?  Please let me know.  I’d like to really help people understand this.

Joyfully yours,

Celebrant Michele Davidson, Vancouver Wedding Officiant, Custom Wedding Ceremonies Vancouver and Whistler

A Vancouver Same-Sex Wedding Ceremony

Talk about citizens of the world… Janice and Natalie are definitely the most global couple I’ve had the pleasure to marry so far!  Janice is originally from the land down under and Natalie from America.  It’s easy to see that they are soulmates, but governments don’t always see what the rest of us do!

Natalie and Janice met in Canada while both were here on work visas –they decided to make their home base in our beautiful country.  But first they had to wind their way through the immigration processes from their respective home countries!

Natalie and Janice are inspirational examples of what it means to truly commit to a relationship – to do whatever it takes to be together.

With Canadian citizenship finally complete for both – yay — Janice and Natalie were super excited to gather an intimate circle of dear family and friends for their marriage ceremony. The setting:  the picturesque park at Deep Cove.  We drew together in the shade under two huge cedars, with the ocean to the east and the North Shore mountains to the North.

At this same-sex wedding ceremony, the two brides were dressed in flowing white.  Natalie’s grandmother was there on her cool scooter, Women of Honour Bethany and Clare were calm and excited all at the same time, the couple’s dog ‘Baby’ was divinely attired in a garland of flowers… and everyone else was simply beaming!

After I had welcomed folks to the ceremonial space, I touched on how special this day was for Natalie and Janice given the long road they’d taken simply to be together in one place.

I weave people’s own words into their wedding ceremonies because as a Celebrant I believe it’s what they think and feel that is most important. In our lively interview, Janice and Natalie spoke about their hopes and dreams for their future together.  Something they said struck a chord with me.  I wish all people could live life like this:

“We want to live fully appreciating and valuing each other. To celebrate each day, to enjoy life, and to know it’s value.  People often forget this.  We want to always remember how incredibly lucky we are to have each other.”

Natalie and Janice.  I have faith that you do and always will celebrate each others uniqueness.  That you will taste the preciousness of your shared journey, each and every day. I look forward to watching you create a family out of your deep love and appreciation!

Joyfully yours,

Celebrant Michele Davidson, Vancouver Wedding Officiant, Custom Wedding Ceremonies Vancouver and Whistler