Love. A death Anniversary.

Today is the death anniversary of my dearest friend Nicki. November 17, 2004.I don’t consciously mark the date of end of her life, or the manner of her death through suicide. But my body always remembers.

There is no note on the calendar or in my daytimer.

But yesterday I began to feel like I was spinning. Had the distinct sense that I was riding a train that just got switched to an entirely new track, going to a new place without my permission. I felt anxious, fluttery, worried, and sad.

This morning in my meditation practice, my mind connected with what was going on in my body.  My body reminded me of the single most painful moment of my life, seven years ago. As flashbacks of the moment I was told of her death hit me, I rocked back and forth on my cushion remembering the sound that came from my mouth at that time. A keening. A howling. Terrible.

In the safety and sanctity of my meditation room, tears wet my face. I literally was trembling. And then there came a gentling.  I felt awash with a powerful feeling that took over from the painful memories. I believe it was love in its purest form. Love for my dear friend’s sorrow…love for the amazing person she was and the extraordinary experiences she awakened me to in life, and in her death… love for my still wounded self.

It was Nicki’s death that led me to the practice of Celebrancy. Her death changed my life.  Her memory guides me today in many aspects of my life including my ceremonial practice.

Today I honour the Sister of my Heart.  Thank you Nickster for helping me to sing my song. Bless you.

Celebrant Michele

One of the reasons I love Vancouver’s Mountain View Cemetery

As you will know by now, I am a big fan of Vancouver’s Mountain View Cemetery. Progressive, inclusive, very community spirited — they even have an artist in resident Ms. Paula Jardine.

Someone I have got to know over the past year or so is Facility Manager Robin Naiman.  She brings such a sense of calm and trust to her work. When you meet Robin to discuss holding a memorial or celebration of life at Mountain View, you know immediately that you are in good hands.  Intrigued by this graceful woman who knows all things related to the Celebration Hall where I have performed a number of Vancouver funerals and memorials, I thought it might be fun to ask her to tell us more about herself and how/why she came to her work at Mountain View Cemetery.  Here is what she said:

…

“After working at the Vancouver Art Gallery for 18 years managing Facility Rentals I was seeking a new challenge. My work was valued at the Gallery as it assisted in supporting the arts, and it was important that my next role would enable me to continue to contribute to the community.

At Mountain View Cemetery’s annual “A Night for All Souls” event I met the manager Glen Hodges. Vancouver’s only cemetery is in the process of a major revitalization (it has effectively been closed since 1986) and at that time the new office, works yard and Celebration Hall buildings had just been completed. I was in awe of the new construction and impressed with Glen’s strong sense of helping families and the vision he presented for Mountain View.

It has been quite a learning curve leaving an art gallery and working at a cemetery, but in the time I have been here I have learned so much about the role a cemetery can play in an individual’s life and the importance of memorialisation. It is very rewarding to be able to help an individual at such an important time of their life, and the gratitude that they express is remarkable.

It is exciting to be part of the future of the cemetery.”

…

If you are interested in holding a memorial, funeral, or celebration of life at Mountain View Cemetery, please contact Robin at the cemetery office.  Her number there is 604.325.2646. And for more information you can click here to link to their webpage.

Warmly

Funeral Celebrant Michele Davidson

How I can help you create a beautiful memorial service

Your loved one has died.

If you are not part of a faith community, who do you turn to for assistance with creating a memorial or funeral service?  Or as many people prefer today…a Celebration of Life.

As a Funeral Celebrant, this is where I can help you.  I can work with you and your family in a variety of ways… all designed to help you have a meaningful experience, with as much or as little support as you need.

In the period immediately following a loved one’s death, you will be in a time of disconnect.  Things will alternately seem real and unreal.  And you will be busy!  There is a LOT to do after a death.  Most people find themselves overwhelmed.

Celebration of Life, Memorial or Funeral service?

Here’s how I can help:

• Write and perform the entire ceremony from start to finish, including the Eulogy.  You don’t have to do anything but share memories with me. Many people find they are too bereft or too exhausted to craft a eulogy. And they aren’t comfortable with standing up and presenting it when they are so emotional.
• Write and perform everything BUT the eulogy. In these cases, I act as consultant for you… coaching you on how to write the eulogy. And you still have someone with experience to hold the ceremonial space and guide the ceremony. This can be very healing for those who are up for it!
• Coach and guide YOU to create the ceremony yourself and helping with editing. Here I work on an hourly basis with you. And the plus here is that I can assist you via the internet no matter where you are!  Live in Borneo?  No problem!

Ash Scattering Services… Burial Services… Death Anniversary Observances

Here’s how I can help:

• Create and guide the scattering of ashes. Most people want the return of the loved one’s cremated remains to the elements to be dignified and heartfelt. It’s not just a flinging!  I have lots of ideas and experience that will help you ensure this final act is an act of remembrance thoughtfully done.
• Create and guide the burial service. In our culture, very few people have a lot of experience being at a graveside. It can be difficult for families to know what to do and and how to do it. This is a time in life where it can be very comforting to have someone you trust do the leading so you don’t have to. As with ash scattering, I have many ways to make you feel safe and included. To lay your loved one’s body to rest is poignant. Too important to be haphazard.
• Or I can simply be here to give you ideas.
• Death Anniversary Observances. These can be hard and bring up a lot of emotion. Over the years I have developed beautiful ways to remember… privately, and with family.  I’d love to help.

Memorial services should be meaningful and illuminating. My purpose is to create an atmosphere of profound connection where family and friends share memories, laugh through their tears, and help each other find the courage to live in a world without their loved one.

I would love to create something unique and heartfelt with you.

Please call me for a complimentary consultation at 604-992-4217 or email me at michele@moderncelebrant.ca

Warmly,

Celebrant Michele Davidson

Why I work as a Funeral Celebrant

When people see me celebrating marriages and births so joyfully, they sometimes forget that I work on “the death stuff” too.

In fact, my primary motivator in becoming a Celebrant was to work with families in the raw times of their lives… by providing deeply meaningful memorial and funeral services and of course Celebrations of Life ceremonies.

I feel at ease around death.  I’ve mourned and experienced firsthand many deaths. – friends, family, strangers – some of which were tragic deaths including suicide. Instead of numbing out, I chose to fully experience the complexity of grief, with all its swings of emotion. In many ways, death transformed the way I live my life.  One of my guiding personal values is to “To move towards sorrow and not away from it.”

In 2006 I trained as a Palliative Care and Hospice volunteer. This has been a great gift in my life.  To be with people at the moment of death, and to be of comfort to their families, is a tremendous privilege.  I also learned a lot about living from some very forthright souls in the final days, weeks, and months as they prepared to die.

This mindful awareness is what I bring to the families I work with in my practice as a Funeral Celebrant. Helping people create a Celebration of Life, Memorial or Funeral Service, Ash-Scattering, or Committal Ceremony isn’t ‘just a job’ to me!  Oh my gosh… so FAR from it!

I love to hear their stories.  I see how the telling helps to make things real especially in the first week after a loved one’s death.  That’s a weirdly unstable time… I suspect that our brains simply cannot compute that the person who was, is no longer.

My gift is to draw out the stories and the memories in a way that illuminates the deceased in the fullness of his or her being.  And then to weave all the threads into a beautiful tapestry — the actual ceremonial experience.

Often people ask me to write the eulogy.  I have to use all my senses when I am with the family so I can absorb the personality of their loved one.  As you can well imagine, it’s hard to write a Memorial Eulogy for someone you’ve never met.  And to have it be a ‘bang on’ portrait of the person.  It’s an extraordinary experience for me!

Death is a chapter in the book of our remarkable human lives.

With heart,

Celebrant Michele

Catastrophe and the Spiritual Path

For those of you living in difficult circumstances… divorce, loss, job transition, holiday blues… I found this quote and thought it might be helpful.

These are the words of Joan Halifax Rosh, from her book Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death

“Catastrophe is the essence of the spiritual path, a series of breakdowns allowing us to discover the threads that weave all of life into a whole cloth.”

Celebrant Michele