Love. A death Anniversary.

Today is the death anniversary of my dearest friend Nicki. November 17, 2004.I don’t consciously mark the date of end of her life, or the manner of her death through suicide. But my body always remembers.

There is no note on the calendar or in my daytimer.But yesterday I began to feel like I was spinning. Had the distinct sense that I was riding a train that just got switched to an entirely new track, going to a new place without my permission. I felt anxious, fluttery, worried, and sad. This morning in my meditation practice, my mind connected with what was going on in my body.  My body reminded me of the single most painful moment of my life, seven years ago. Read More >

Divorce Hurts: A new way to Heal

This article by Modern Celebrant ran in the October issue of the prestigious Spirituality and Health Magazine. (How thrilling is that!)

Divorce holds the potential to transform the lives of those who go through it. It is a painful journey, one that takes courage and a personal commitment to healing. So what gives with the lack of ritual around it?

There is a trend gathering steam that supports divorced individuals to embrace their future in a meaningful way: Divorce Ceremonies. A thoughtful Divorce Ceremony mindfully unbinds the emotional ties of a relationship and can be a hugely transformative part of the healing process. An aim may be to help the individual acknowledge the good parts of the marriage and not reject it outright. In virtually every marriage, even the most dysfunctional, there were lessons learned and small blessings (sometimes in disguise!) Read More >

Mother Blessings: a meaningful alternative to baby showers

From time to time I perform Mother Blessing Ceremonies.  Most people are unfamiliar with these.  Wondering what it’s all about?

Here’s my take.

Becoming a mother is the greatest life transition of all for a woman. Many women today chose to walk the time of their pregnancy and birthing with great intention and mindful awareness.  Pregnancy is not something that just happened to them and they’re merely waiting.

The way a woman chooses to inhabit her pregnancy and walk through the gateway into motherhood is often reflective of how she tries to live her entire life.

And so it is that I am called upon to work with women to create a ceremony rich in personal and collective meaning, well beyond the more typical baby shower type of event.

So what exactly is it?

Well, it’s just what it sounds. The focus is on the mother, and not the baby. It’s a loving, touching, and supportive gathering. Surrounded by the women who love her, the mother-to-be is free to honestly and openly express her innermost intentions, fears, hopes, and dreams around motherhood. She is honoured, revered, and tended to with the greatest love and respect.

The women in attendance share their wisdom, and their own thoughts about the strengths they see in the mother-to-be. These heartfelt wishes foster confidence for the coming birth and emergence into motherhood. It is very much a harvesting of the collective wisdom of women.

I may open with something like this:

“We are here to surround Jane with the company of women, to nurture and support her as she grows through into a new beginning in her life. We are here to offer her our blessings as she nears the birth of her child.

Together we will mark this major transition in her life, encourage her, and give her strength to draw upon for her labour and delivery. Today, each of us will offer our heartfelt blessings to Jane, along with a tangible symbol of our wishes. Together we will focus on giving her emotional support.

We will give our commitment to be a community for this new family. And we will offer our appreciation for the profound life change that accompanies the birth of a child.”

If the woman and her partner wish, we can include the father for first moments of the Mother Blessing Ceremony. After which he will take his leave.

A Mother Blessing Ceremony may be for you if:

• you are pregnant and long for something more than gifts of diapers and sleep sets,
• a traditional baby shower is not enough
• you are a woman who wants to honour her journey into motherhood
• you are a friend who wants to give a meaningful gift
• if you are a man who wants to honour your partner with something that is just for her.

With joy,

Celebrant Michele Davidson

How to Honour Easter if you are Spiritual but not Religious

Okay, so here it is… I identify as a Buddhist, a follower of the teachings of the Buddha.  But I am deeply deeply touched by Easter.  Not the bunnies and yellow, pink, and blue fuzzy things of Easter.  I love the MEANING of Easter.

And so, this Sunday you will find me head bowed, tears wetting my cheeks, in the Anglican church that has served generations of my family in their times of celebration and sorrow.

The resurrection of Christ is for me symbolic of the resurrection of hope, of new beginnings, and of the continuation of life. Rebirth and redemption. The Biblical story reminds me that the beauty of life continues, even after times of immense suffering and darkness.

Historical origins of what we know today to be Easter seem to have evolved from early Christian and Pagan celebrations on this theme of death and resurrection.  Most people know that Pagans have honoured the Spring Equinox for millennia. But isn’t it also interesting to know that Christians celebrate Easter on the first full moon following the Equinox.  Many historians believe the two practices are relationally rooted.

Whatever faith we identify with, or don’t for that matter, we can still find meaning on the Easter weekend.  There is so much symbolism that speaks to universal human truths.

Lent, or the Lenten season, is a 40-day period that honours sacrifice.  Whether one is Christian, Buddhist, Agnostic or something else entirely… most of us believe there is  wisdom and humility to be gained in refraining (aka Fasting).  Think of the many expressions in common language usage about this.  “Bigger is not better.” “More is less.”  And there is the wonderful Japanese expression “Hara Hachi Bu” – which means 80% is enough.

Lent begins with Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday, just the name of it, reminds me that from the earth we come and to the earth return… ashes to ashes…dust to dust.

Then we have Passover, which reminds me of the remarkable adaptability of the human spirit.  Yes, it tells us, we can move through our sorrow.  That for every dark night we endure in our lives there will be a morning where the dawn will bring the light back into our spirit.

On my daily walks, I see evidence of this truth all around. Bulbs pushing up through the dark earth, compost in wheelbarrows waiting to be spread for the growing season, cherry blossoms in bloom, trees and shrubs budded up ready to unfurl their leaves.  And the faces of the recently rain drenched people of Vancouver raised up to greet that unfamiliar yellow orb in the sky!!!

Whether you believe that Christ rose from the dead after crucifixion on the cross, it is clear that Easter is a time of resonance with the human heart. Yes, we gather easter eggs, but we also gather for family and togetherness. Churches fill. The spirit of peace is passed. And the collective heart of humankind that longs for fresh starts and new beginnings, beats with hope.

May you take time this weekend, whatever your faith, to welcome magic and mystery into your own life.

In peace, Celebrant Michele Davidson

Favorite Ceremony Moments of 2010 (so far)

So far this year I’ve worked on Ceremony Commissions for 22 amazing couples and families — with a few more to go before the end of the year! From Baby Naming Ceremonies to Weddings, every client’s story is unique and magic in its own way. So too were their ceremonies.

Here are a couple of highlights, in no particular order:

Most exuberant and romantic wedding guests of 2010

The Groom was overcome when his Bride walked down the aisle.  The Bride full of joy and laughter. And the wedding guests were utterly ‘in-the-moment’ alternating between beaming smiles and tears!  After riding a high from the powerful emotional arch of this incredible wedding ceremony, I can now declare the winners of my best wedding guests title: The members of Vancouver’s Chinese community.  Perhaps tied with folks in the Jewish and Portuguese communities… but I digress.

Pealing the church bells the traditional way

By hand! After a wedding ceremony at a lovely little chapel in Richmond, I got to pull on the ropes to ring the bells in the steeple — there was something so symbolic and joyful about it.  I had a huge smile on my face!

Joined by What we have in Common Not what sets us Apart

Working with a progressive young couple on a Child Honouring for  their infant daughter, I became aware of significant fractures within the extended family.  Keeping this in mind, we worked together to create a hugely intentional ceremony. It took place in a sheltered natural cathedral in the forest of Stanley Park. We gathered to honour the new life in our midst, as generations have always done.  Many tears were shed and family members who were often distant with one another stood closer than they had in years… joined by what they had in common rather than alienated by what set them apart.  A pivotal experience for everyone present…the emotional easing was palpable.

Portuguese Guests also Rock!

A heritage church filled to the brim with the extended family of a Portuguese Bride…When I did my rehearsal of the guests, they blew me away with their joyful responses to my tips for how to be enthusiastic wedding guests. Knowing that the elder Portuguese relatives were used to more formal Catholic ceremonies, I had been a little nervous about how they would respond to a less traditional wedding. Not to fear!  Apparently they were so touched by the storytelling part of the ceremony (my specialty is telling the story of the couple), they didn’t mind at all!

Two Cultures: One Community

The wedding ceremony of a Chinese Bride and a Jewish Groom was especially meaningful for how it highlighted the striking similarities between two seemingly different cultures.  In the spirit of creating a new family, a new community for the couple, I told a Jewish folktale and then a Chinese one… both of which centred around the story that two people are born destined to be together and once they find each other nothing can break their bond.  Guests were moved by the reading of the Seven Blessings by the couple’s mothers.  The Seven Blessings is a Jewish tradition but given the emphasis on family in both heritages, it was ever so fitting.  After the ceremony, guests were mingling and exclaiming over the similarities. When I can get Jewish and Chinese guests alike shouting Mazel Tov with gusto, I think I’ve done my job well.

The Paparazzi and a Laughing Police Horse

There were a few totally unscripted and hilarious moments at this wedding on the lawn beside the Stanley Park Teahouse.  When I described the Bride as having an off-the-wall sense of humour in the beginning moments of the ceremony, at that exact moment the air was punctuated by the extended neighing of a horse. Everyone burst into laughter at the sight of a Vancouver Police Horse who had sidled up behind the guests, presumably to better hear the ceremony.  Shortly thereafter, I saw a trolley bus full of tourists stop to hear the ceremony too, again directly behind the guests. I couldn’t help but wave, so then did the Bride and Groom followed by all the wedding guests.  The tourist paparazzi waved back with much vigor… cue a frenzy of clicking cameras!  Absolutely delightful.

Hope you’ve enjoyed reading these.  More moments to come at the end of the year.

In joy,

Celebrant Michele Davidson