Love. A death Anniversary.

Today is the death anniversary of my dearest friend Nicki. November 17, 2004.I don’t consciously mark the date of end of her life, or the manner of her death through suicide. But my body always remembers.

There is no note on the calendar or in my daytimer.

But yesterday I began to feel like I was spinning. Had the distinct sense that I was riding a train that just got switched to an entirely new track, going to a new place without my permission. I felt anxious, fluttery, worried, and sad.

This morning in my meditation practice, my mind connected with what was going on in my body.  My body reminded me of the single most painful moment of my life, seven years ago. As flashbacks of the moment I was told of her death hit me, I rocked back and forth on my cushion remembering the sound that came from my mouth at that time. A keening. A howling. Terrible.

In the safety and sanctity of my meditation room, tears wet my face. I literally was trembling. And then there came a gentling.  I felt awash with a powerful feeling that took over from the painful memories. I believe it was love in its purest form. Love for my dear friend’s sorrow…love for the amazing person she was and the extraordinary experiences she awakened me to in life, and in her death… love for my still wounded self.

It was Nicki’s death that led me to the practice of Celebrancy. Her death changed my life.  Her memory guides me today in many aspects of my life including my ceremonial practice.

Today I honour the Sister of my Heart.  Thank you Nickster for helping me to sing my song. Bless you.

Celebrant Michele

Being appreciated is like jet-fuel for the soul

Today I was appreciated.  Deeply appreciated. Thoughtfully appreciated. It was jet fuel for my soul. Just call me “Rocket-ship Davidson”.

Not only was I appreciated, I was appreciated in a way the person knew would resonate with me. This person took the time to discover and reflect on what that might be.  As I write this I realize – HEY, that’s exactly how a Celebrant should behave! Finding the resonance is Celebrants do best.

So what rocked my world?

Celebrant in training Catherine M. met me at my local tea lounge Shaktea which I LOVE LOVE LOVE.  I thought we were meeting for me to share with Catherine about my practice over a simple cup of tea. I was incredibly delighted to find that Catherine had pre-reserved Shaktea’s coveted Afternoon Tea. Can you hear me licking my chops?  Not only that, she presented me with a gorgeous bouquet of fall flowers.  I was so touched, the tears nearly fell except that I was smiling too hard to cry. I have a big smile and it was truly shining like a beacon! I felt like a Princess for an Afternoon.

It made me think about the art of appreciating someone.

Being appreciated is a wonderful feeling. It’s inspiring. Motivating. Today’s appreciation helps me to feel I’m on the right path with my work.

Catherine’s very thoughtful and genuine gesture makes me want to pay it forward.  Tomorrow I am going to appreciate someone else in a meaningful way.  Doesn’t have to cost a whack of dough… doesn’t have to cost anything… but it needs to be thoughtful and aligned with the person.  Hm…. who will be my appreciation gal or guy tomorrow?  Look out, it might be YOU!!!

Divorce Hurts: A new way to Heal

This article by Modern Celebrant ran in the October issue of the prestigious Spirituality and Health Magazine. (How thrilling is that!)

I’m pleased to rerun it here. You may also want to check out Spirituality and Health for the article.

Divorce holds the potential to transform the lives of those who go through it. It is a painful journey, one that takes courage and a personal commitment to healing.

So what gives with the lack of ritual around it?

There is a trend gathering steam that supports divorced individuals to embrace their future in a meaningful way: Divorce Ceremonies. A thoughtful Divorce Ceremony mindfully unbinds the emotional ties of a relationship and can be a hugely transformative part of the healing process.

An aim may be to help the individual acknowledge the good parts of the marriage and not reject it outright. In virtually every marriage, even the most dysfunctional, there were lessons learned and small blessings (sometimes in disguise!)

One must be well and truly ready for such a ritual, often two years after the marriage is legally over, because it takes time to awaken to conciliation. Ex-spouses have differing emotional paces and needs, and so Divorce Ceremonies are typically for the individual.

As with all deeply resonate ceremonies, the preparation done to develop the rituals used are the foundation of the experience.

Through mindful reflection the individual comes to inwardly acknowledge the gifts of the marriage, and the opportunities that lie ahead as the result of its conclusion. During the ceremony, the honoree symbolically manifests this acceptance.

Such a ritual can take the form of clipping the edges of a marriage certificate to symbolically render it null and then making pledges for ones future, reworking a ring, or gifting.

When the union has brought children into the world, one may express intention to interact respectfully with ones former spouse by offering prayers of forgiveness and release.

Typically a small but close group of family and friends are invited to attend the intimate ceremony. Guests may find the ceremony provides a safe place to process whatever feelings they themselves hold around this divorce.

I love what Marianne Williamson says about divorce in her lovely book Illuminata: Thoughts, Prayer, Rites of Passage: “I bless you and release you. Please forgive me; I forgive you. Go in peace. You will remain in my heart.”

Mother Blessings: a meaningful alternative to baby showers

From time to time I perform Mother Blessing Ceremonies.  Most people are unfamiliar with these.  Wondering what it’s all about?

Here’s my take.

Becoming a mother is the greatest life transition of all for a woman. Many women today chose to walk the time of their pregnancy and birthing with great intention and mindful awareness.  Pregnancy is not something that just happened to them and they’re merely waiting.

The way a woman chooses to inhabit her pregnancy and walk through the gateway into motherhood is often reflective of how she tries to live her entire life.

And so it is that I am called upon to work with women to create a ceremony rich in personal and collective meaning, well beyond the more typical baby shower type of event.

So what exactly is it?

Well, it’s just what it sounds. The focus is on the mother, and not the baby. It’s a loving, touching, and supportive gathering. Surrounded by the women who love her, the mother-to-be is free to honestly and openly express her innermost intentions, fears, hopes, and dreams around motherhood. She is honoured, revered, and tended to with the greatest love and respect.

The women in attendance share their wisdom, and their own thoughts about the strengths they see in the mother-to-be. These heartfelt wishes foster confidence for the coming birth and emergence into motherhood. It is very much a harvesting of the collective wisdom of women.

I may open with something like this:

“We are here to surround Jane with the company of women, to nurture and support her as she grows through into a new beginning in her life. We are here to offer her our blessings as she nears the birth of her child.

Together we will mark this major transition in her life, encourage her, and give her strength to draw upon for her labour and delivery. Today, each of us will offer our heartfelt blessings to Jane, along with a tangible symbol of our wishes. Together we will focus on giving her emotional support.

We will give our commitment to be a community for this new family. And we will offer our appreciation for the profound life change that accompanies the birth of a child.”

If the woman and her partner wish, we can include the father for first moments of the Mother Blessing Ceremony. After which he will take his leave.

A Mother Blessing Ceremony may be for you if:

• you are pregnant and long for something more than gifts of diapers and sleep sets,
• a traditional baby shower is not enough
• you are a woman who wants to honour her journey into motherhood
• you are a friend who wants to give a meaningful gift
• if you are a man who wants to honour your partner with something that is just for her.

With joy,

Celebrant Michele Davidson

How to Honour Easter if you are Spiritual but not Religious

Okay, so here it is… I identify as a Buddhist, a follower of the teachings of the Buddha.  But I am deeply deeply touched by Easter.  Not the bunnies and yellow, pink, and blue fuzzy things of Easter.  I love the MEANING of Easter.

And so, this Sunday you will find me head bowed, tears wetting my cheeks, in the Anglican church that has served generations of my family in their times of celebration and sorrow.

The resurrection of Christ is for me symbolic of the resurrection of hope, of new beginnings, and of the continuation of life. Rebirth and redemption. The Biblical story reminds me that the beauty of life continues, even after times of immense suffering and darkness.

Historical origins of what we know today to be Easter seem to have evolved from early Christian and Pagan celebrations on this theme of death and resurrection.  Most people know that Pagans have honoured the Spring Equinox for millennia. But isn’t it also interesting to know that Christians celebrate Easter on the first full moon following the Equinox.  Many historians believe the two practices are relationally rooted.

Whatever faith we identify with, or don’t for that matter, we can still find meaning on the Easter weekend.  There is so much symbolism that speaks to universal human truths.

Lent, or the Lenten season, is a 40-day period that honours sacrifice.  Whether one is Christian, Buddhist, Agnostic or something else entirely… most of us believe there is  wisdom and humility to be gained in refraining (aka Fasting).  Think of the many expressions in common language usage about this.  “Bigger is not better.” “More is less.”  And there is the wonderful Japanese expression “Hara Hachi Bu” – which means 80% is enough.

Lent begins with Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday, just the name of it, reminds me that from the earth we come and to the earth return… ashes to ashes…dust to dust.

Then we have Passover, which reminds me of the remarkable adaptability of the human spirit.  Yes, it tells us, we can move through our sorrow.  That for every dark night we endure in our lives there will be a morning where the dawn will bring the light back into our spirit.

On my daily walks, I see evidence of this truth all around. Bulbs pushing up through the dark earth, compost in wheelbarrows waiting to be spread for the growing season, cherry blossoms in bloom, trees and shrubs budded up ready to unfurl their leaves.  And the faces of the recently rain drenched people of Vancouver raised up to greet that unfamiliar yellow orb in the sky!!!

Whether you believe that Christ rose from the dead after crucifixion on the cross, it is clear that Easter is a time of resonance with the human heart. Yes, we gather easter eggs, but we also gather for family and togetherness. Churches fill. The spirit of peace is passed. And the collective heart of humankind that longs for fresh starts and new beginnings, beats with hope.

May you take time this weekend, whatever your faith, to welcome magic and mystery into your own life.

In peace, Celebrant Michele Davidson