Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

Your child has died. Whether through abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death, it is a profound loss. As raw and painful as your loss is, my hope for you is that this can be a time of transformation.

I don’t believe in the platitude of closure. Closure implies closing a book, never to open it again.  Transformation is about being touched by what has happened to you and carrying this new wisdom into future experiences. Transformation comes from clarity and awareness. From being awakened by grief and not beaten down by it. Read More >

A Widow says thanks. Her words may inspire others.

Hello Michele:

I am sorry it has taken  me so long to write to you.  I am slowly trying to get some degree of normalcy in my life. I want to thank you for your wonderful contribution and guidance through my husband’s internment and Celebration of Life, and for the great permanent memento you sent me.

When he was sick, all my energies went into caring for him, and little preparation was made for the final  outcome of that sickness.  I had found your site online during that time, and filed it away, and I am very glad I did.  You guided us with caring through his internment and the touches of earth from home and the flower petals added such poignancy to the moment.  When I think of his laying to rest, I feel a sense of peace that it happened the way it did, and I know that I owe much to you. You also led us in a brighter moment, in the celebration of his life.  I am left with a feeling that my husband was celebrated by those who cared. Many thanks again Michele.”

NAME WITHHELD

Love. A death Anniversary.

Today is the death anniversary of my dearest friend Nicki. November 17, 2004.I don’t consciously mark the date of end of her life, or the manner of her death through suicide. But my body always remembers.

There is no note on the calendar or in my daytimer.But yesterday I began to feel like I was spinning. Had the distinct sense that I was riding a train that just got switched to an entirely new track, going to a new place without my permission. I felt anxious, fluttery, worried, and sad. This morning in my meditation practice, my mind connected with what was going on in my body.  My body reminded me of the single most painful moment of my life, seven years ago. Read More >

Divorce Hurts: A new way to Heal

This article by Modern Celebrant ran in the October issue of the prestigious Spirituality and Health Magazine. (How thrilling is that!)

Divorce holds the potential to transform the lives of those who go through it. It is a painful journey, one that takes courage and a personal commitment to healing. So what gives with the lack of ritual around it?

There is a trend gathering steam that supports divorced individuals to embrace their future in a meaningful way: Divorce Ceremonies. A thoughtful Divorce Ceremony mindfully unbinds the emotional ties of a relationship and can be a hugely transformative part of the healing process. An aim may be to help the individual acknowledge the good parts of the marriage and not reject it outright. In virtually every marriage, even the most dysfunctional, there were lessons learned and small blessings (sometimes in disguise!) Read More >

The Night of All Souls

The Night of All Souls (November 2) rapidly approaches. Often associated with Catholic Latin American countries All Souls is increasingly woven into the fabric of the broader community, particularly here in multi-cultural Vancouver. In our death-den ying culture, how wonderful it is to have permission to publicly acknowledge the presence of death in our lives.

In many local cemeteries you will see food arranged at gravesites, drinks poured, gifts offered, and notes left. Mountain View Cemetery, for instance, hosts A Night for All Souls (Oct 29 – Nov 2) with installations by local artists and participatory rituals that invite the public to honour their dead with candles, shrines, flowers, and the sweeping and decorating of graves. There are many ways to express our hearts to the dead.

As anyone who lives near a cemetery or drives along a busy highway can tell you, our desire to remember and communicate with those who have passed away happens not just on the Night of All Souls but all year round too. Such memorials take many forms–wreaths, bouquets of flowers, small items the deceased person enjoyed while they were alive, or notes and photos encased in plastic sleeves. Read More >