A First Nation Same-Sex Wedding

Photo by Butterfly Photography

There are many beliefs and values about what makes a marriage and a family. No matter what one’s values are, each of us is joined by common beliefs that are universally human: The need for companionship of the heart. And our yearning for the awakening qualities of Love. So it is that a wedding is one of the most powerfully transformational ceremonies of all.

Never is this more clear to me than when I collaborate in ceremony with people of the First Nations communities. These are individuals, families, and communities who truly deeply value and understand that words are actions… that ceremony is a doorway to the sacred, to the profound. At a First Nations ceremony I understand that one cannot exclude a member of the community. All must be welcomed, even when there are disagreements. I like this. Though I’m sure it must be challenging at times.

Because First Nations have such rich and strong ceremonial traditions, I am always tremendously humbled to be asked to guide a ceremony with these communities. It is truly a gift in my own life. This Wedding Ceremony was a Same-Sex wedding for two very private women. They recognized that their wedding ceremony was the symbolic representation of a profound and life-changing experience. They wanted to feel changed as they promised their love and trust for each other. They also wanted their wedding ceremony to be warm-hearted, relaxed, and most of all deeply meaningful. For them, as well as for all who participated. Read More >

Adoption Ceremony Ethiopian Style

Performed a Child Honouring and Naming Ceremony today for a little Ethiopian girl being adopted into a Canadian family. The ceremony included a modern take on the traditional Ethiopian Coffee Ceremony (complete with popcorn), guests brought beads for Evie, and we remembered her Ethiopian family who love her too.

Little one comes from an oral storytelling culture and telling her story was an important part of this community-based ceremony. The journey of adoption is often a winding one… one that contains a great deal of wisdom.

As I often do, I included Raffi’s wonderful Covenant for Honouring Children. People are always moved by it.

A happy day full of possibilities and feasting.

Real Weddings: Alexandra and Madhavan

“Thank you so much for such an extraordinary ceremony. It was more than we ever imagined. You captured the heart of it all, and the love between our two children. Everyone commented on your service and thought you were so wonderful. With your grace and poise you reminded me of a high priestess! Its amazing what the power of a wedding brings up – the past, the present and the future all are there in the room on the one day. It takes a very special person to bring it all together and you did that with such eloquence.” - From the bride’s mother!

When I welcomed guests to the beautiful and sacred space of their wedding ceremony, I truly meant it. Artists Alexandra and Madhavan are both from creative families. Alexandra’s mother is one of North America’s most talented textile designers and Madhavan’s mother sang a sacred love song during the ceremony. Madhavan is from India where they know how to do weddings! Hilary Miles created extraordinary floral designs to highlight the sacred Indian art and antiquities of Alexandra’s family home. Words fail me really to describe the setting… lush and heart-opening come to mind.

Alexandra was dressed in a beautiful sari with hair ornaments, jewelry, and makeup to match. What a transformation! Vancouver beauty to Indian Goddess. Madhavan too was in a fine traditional Indian suit. Alexandra and Madhavan are deeply connected to each other, and their regal wedding attire elevated what I already had come to know of them over the past months of interviews so I could create their ceremony. I designed a wedding ceremony that was a perfect reflection of them (and the family they so adore). For one of our interviews we did a potluck Indian dinner at their place. Yummy! I really enjoy making meals for or with my clients. Doing an interview over dinner is a wonderful way to get to chat and get to know people better.

But back to the wedding.  In the first photo you see the rose petals laid out so carefully at the entrance by Hilary’s team. The second photo doesn’t do justice to the extravagant draping of richly hued textiles and flower garlands. Modern Celebrant was so HAPPY! And so were the guests. Everyone loved the sacred space. It lent dignity and beauty.

I began the ceremony talking about how we don’t have many collective moments these days. And about how historically the elders of our communities found a suitable marriage match for their children. But times have changed and Madhavan and Alexandra have chosen each other. Some things do not change though… as with most couples Alexandra and Madhavan’s hope was for their union to be supported wholeheartedly by both sets of parents — as happily as if their elders had chosen the match themselves. And so it certainly was.

That Alexandra and Madhavan came together from two countries and two cultures and for their relationship to be so enthusiastically encouraged by their parents was the best wedding gift of all. As Alexandra so wisely says, “Our ceremony will be the glue that seals our families together forever.”

It was wonderfully appropriate that the hearts of the Bride and Groom were entrusted to each other by their mothers and fathers.

This was  ceremony consciously designed to involve everyone in the couple’s storytelling and transformation – from parents, to their global family, right down to the guests who shouted “Mazel Tov” at the KISS.

The Wedding Professional Team

Custom Ceremony and Storytelling by Modern Celebrant (nudge nudge, yours truly)

Flowers by the fabulous Hilary Miles Flowers.  

Catering by Susan Mendleson’s Lazy Gourmet Catering

Real Weddings: Zoë and Tyler

Wow! Working with Zoë and Tyler was an incredible privilege.  They were totally into the reflective process that I mindfully guide couples through before I write their ceremony. Zoë and Tyler, like all the the couples I work with, BELIEVE in the transformative power of ceremony. They found the time spent reflecting on the deeper meaning of the life transition that is marriage to be immensely valuable.

Zoë and Tyler made a strong commitment to this process… in fact the strongest I’ve ever experienced with a couple.  They journalled and thought deeply about the questions I asked.  And thus they gave me FANTASTIC material to weave the storytelling tapestry of their wedding ceremony from.

Far too many wedding ceremonies these days feel like some sort of hoop to jump through. Zoë and Tyler couldn’t imagine having a ceremony like that. This couple wanted their wedding ceremony to sing with their intentions and their feelings. They wanted it to be an authentic reflection of their innermost selves.

When a ceremony is alive with this much meaning, it is a transformational and very collective experience. We don’t have many of those anymore, do we?

The ceremony was held at the Rose Garden in New Westminister on the one brilliantly sunny day in a week of rain.  My powers as a keeper-away of rain seem to be developing well!  The couple’s guests sat in a semicircle facing them, so they could see every smile and tear on Zoë and Tyler’s faces.

Everyone seemed to enjoy the ring warming and the Handfasting ritual… fielded lots of enthusiastic comments and questions afterwards. People loved hearing all the things that Zoë and Tyler respect and admire about each other… and about the things that they do to bring laughter and kindness into their days.

Family is VIP to both, and I loved that they held Japanese prayer beads belonging to Zoe’s parents, who had them at their own wedding.  Here is a photo.  All the photos here were taken by the lovely Jenny of Jenny Photography.  She really cares!

Real Weddings: Christine and Derek

I’m eagerly awaiting the photos from Christine and Derek’s fun and meaning filled wedding ceremony on the cedar deck at the Capilano Suspension Bridge. Until then their spectacular cupcake ‘wedding cake’ will do just perfectly.  Can you see the two wee cakes with the couple’s names written into a heart?

Christine found me after watching me on the documentary “Thoroughly Modern Marriage” on CBC. You can see it for yourself by clicking HERE. We hit it off straight away and when I met Derek, I knew they were a great match… and that I was the right ‘match’ to guide and officiate their ceremony.

Before the couple entered the ceremonial space, I warmed up their guests and got them all feeling the power of connection.  Though many people present knew hardly anyone, we quickly established a whole bunch of commonalities that made folks laugh and get revved for the ceremony.  They could tell that this one was going to be way better than the standard boring-same-old.

Bride and Groom happily beside me facing their guests, I embarked on a journey of storytelling about Derek and Christine.  To me it is the personal narrative that rocks the ceremony.  Personal narrative takes a universal human rite and makes it relatable, important, and powerful.  This couple’s story was full of the twists and turns of real life. To honour their rock climbing spirits, I spoke of the trust and bond that comes from Belaying ones partner.  What a fantastic metaphor for the relationship Christine and Derek have already cultivated and for the marriage they have now stepped into.

We even used a rock climbing rope for the Handfasting!  Derek planned it well.  His bestman brought out THE WHOLE THING, all 50 metres of it!  Family and friends loved the surprise. And no, I only wrapped their hands with a portion of it!

Though there was tons of warm laughter and light-hearted moments in Christine and Derek’s wedding ceremony, it was imbued with meaning throughout.  Moments where the couple saw only each other… moments where guests remembered the force of love in their own lives…  moments of sheer beauty and grace.  I loved every second!

Christine said later that, “We had so many comments from people saying, ‘That was the nicest ceremony I have ever witnessed – including my OWN!”

That makes me happy!

Michele Davidson for Modern Celebrant